I’m so tired. I’m tired of my child arguing with me what feels like all the time.  About every single little thing.

I’m tired of being fat and unhealthy. I’m tired of being tired.

I’m extremely tired of being in pain. My back hurts pretty much constantly. My feet ache and throb every night. They were doing better but I’ve been walking more, so hello foot pain. I’ve been ill recently so my throat, ears, and head all ache.   Now I think I may be getting sick yet again.

I’m tired of being grouchy.

I’m tired of not having time to do the things that make me happy. I’m also tired of not making the time.

I’m tired of cleaning, and I don’t even do it that much.

I’m tired of carpet.

I’m tired of my apparent inability to be organized anrd prioritize things that should be important. I’m also tired of the word “should.”

I’m tired of email, twitter, blogs, and facebook.

Have I mentioned that I’m tired of my kid arguing with me?

I’m tired of being ungrateful. I want to cherish life, not bitch and moan about it.

I’m tired of being unmotivated. Why can’t I kick myself out of this rut?

Last Sunday the Boo and I went to the Seattle Bike Expo. I wasn’t sure we’d make it as we had some crazy weather (snow, more snow, FAT snow, rain, more rain, wind, more wind, SUN! Let’s go! Quick! Rain, sun, rain AND sun. What?) but make it we did.

My primary purpose in attending was to test ride the Madsen cargo bike. Nobody carries them locally (at least before the Expo!) and I needed to try it out. I like it in concept a lot, but there’s much to be decided on a trial run.

My first impression surprised me. First, to interject, I’m not only a hugely novice rider, but I’m also far too concerned with appearances. I just have this idea that if I’m going to spend a lot of money on a bike, I want it to look how I want it to look, you know? So I was surprised that my first choice in color based on internet images (cream) looked a bit more yellow than I was expecting, while the baby blue bike just popped. Needless to say, I likey the blue. (Incidently, the Boo approved of the black.) Also? The rain canopy looks damn cool. (Although I just read that’s changing. Oh well.)

Anyway. I had been trying to muster up the courage all morning to actually go to this thing, despite the weather, and try out this bike, so I was happy it was a no fuss situation. I didn’t have a lot of questions as I had already picked Jason’s brains as much as I could (with my limited knowledge and experience) via email. Suffice to say, the Madsen guys were very nice and accomodating. First I rode one alone, and it was great! Better than great; it was awesome. Loved it. Then we popped Boo in the back. Couldn’t hardly tell he was there!

It was a wee bit wobbly starting up (but I was wobbly alone too), and braking I could definitely tell there was something behind me as it felt like something was catching up to me when I hit the brakes hard. Does that make sense? That might be normal for cargo bikes, I have no idea! It didn’t seem alarming, just something I noticed. Like when your grocery bags slide around in the trunk of your car if you hit the brakes hard. Also, it didn’t phase Boo at all, which is one of my Great (if irrational) Fears. That if I brake suddenly, he’ll come flying out. Didn’t happen. Phew.

I also couldn’t really tell much about the length except for trying to do a tight circle. I think, in retrospect, it might be a good thing I’m a novice bicyclist. I don’t have a whole lot to compare the experience to! Last time I used a bike as actual transportation was in college and that was so long ago all I remember was loving it, but not much else.

Sadly for me, I still haven’t made up my mind about what I want, so I didn’t buy the poor, pretty, wonderful bicycle. They even had an awesome deal that had me trying to mentally figure out a way to make it work, but I just couldn’t hack it. I’ve had to face some reality recently that has made me second guess this whole plan of mine, and I just couldn’t do it.

One of my major obstacles (besides the obvious lack of money and fitness) is a support system. See, I was so flippin’ excited when I realized all I needed to do to get some daily exercise with the kiddos was to bike on our errands and park dates instead of drive. Seems like a no-brainer, but it really was a (fluroescent) lightbulb going off over my head for me. Which is why I’ve plowed ahead with this idea despite criticism — I’m in such desperate need for a (feasible and pleasant to me) way to get in shape that the rosy glow of family bicycling just descended on me.

But lately that rosy glow has been fading. I’ve been thinking about this topic for quite a long time now, months and months, and there are a few things that are becoming obvious.

1. Nobody else in my family wants me to do this. (Well, other than the kids!) They worry about the safety of the kids on the road, which is reasonable, especially in light of my lack of experience.
2. Dealing with the rather large age differences of seating these two is a challenge with the existing bikes I’ve considered. (The challenge being finding seating arrangements everyone is happy with — I know many options exist.)
3. Everything costs too much. (Yes I know cars cost more but we’re not getting rid of our car.)
4. I am in really, really, atrociously bad shape.

So…. I’m backing off a little. Slowing down a bit. I haven’t lost sight of my lofty goals, I’m just trying to calm down my brain a little bit and bring it in line with my actual abilities. My reconsidered goal for this year is merely one thing: Get riding. Fix my mountain bike, go on some local rides, ride with the Boo on the trails at the weekend when the Daddy can watch the Baby. If that goes well, get a baby seat and just drive to the trails if need be during the week. That’s it.

Then later we’ll revisit the whole family biking concept. I can still hope for sooner, but somehow I doubt it. I still plan on visiting some local shops to try out various bikes, all in good time. I am still thinking about what would be the best base for an Xtracycle, how the Xtracycle compares to the Madsen, hell, I even want to try the Bakfiets. I want to try as much as possible and really consider all of my options.

Bonus part of this idea? There will probably be a whole lot of new cargo biking concepts by then! For example, hopefully more options in purpose-built longtail frames, maybe even with with the step-through I’m loving so much. A girl can only hope. Cargo bikes seems to be gaining in popularity. But for that matter, maybe I don’t even want a cargo bike, maybe I just want a nice singleton dutch-style bike, baby seat, and a Follow-Me for the lad. I just don’t know!

So, back to the Madsen! While I’m sad about this focus on reality, it was a fun bike to ride and I’m really glad I got the opportunity to try it out. I liked the low center of gravity in the back, and the seat and handle bars were remarkably comfortable. Way more comfortable than my mountain bike, in fact. No pain at all from my grumpy lower back. I liked the step-through frame and the nifty double kickstand.

The rest of the Expo was interesting. Discovered more local bike shops than I knew existed, and saw some really beautiful bikes. Who knew you could make wooden handles? And I now have a secret love for wooden fenders. All things I had never considered before. Also noted some awesome deals on everything from bike parts and clothes to used bicycles and even a $1800 fully built Surly Big Dummy, which I’m fairly sure is an awesome price. I will have to remember that for next year!

Also, it was so nice being with just the Boo. He’s a cool kid, and I don’t get to spend much one-on-one time with him any more. It was just so much easier to be responsive, fun, engaged, creative and focused without a baby in tow. So that was awesome. I hope we can find more things to do together, just us two.

Even though it was a short trip, it was nice. Looking forward to going back next year — hell, maybe I’ll have made a decision by then!

And finally — a picture by the Boo, age 4, of my obvious need for a fitness regime! He has an interesting eye for photography, no? Or maybe I’m just biased :)

I bought a bike!

It’s an oldie, but hopefully a goodie. It’s almost exactly like the bike I had in high school and college. I was very fond of that bike and very saddened by its passing, apparently, into a pile of rust in my mother’s basement while I was off galanting in England.

So when I saw an old GT Timberline on Craigslist for a skant amount of money, I could hardly resist. It is the right size and everything. (Well it might be a smidge too small, it’s hard for me to tell.) My old bike was green and this one is blue, but that’s okay, I like blue!

It needs some TLC — it has a rusty chain and gears, cracked handles (the foam part), torn seat, and some rusty bolts, but the frame itself seems okay. Oh and it has a flat front tire. Not that I have a clue what I’m talking about!

In light of my cluelessness, I’ve decided this is going to be a project bike. I was initially going to take it to a bike shop for a tune-up, but I think it will be more fun to learn how to do it myself. After all, one of the fun things about bikes is their adaptability, right? I can put on a nice, comfy seat, maybe some cruiser style handlebars so my poor back doesn’t have to lean over so much, clean up the gears (or replace them), and basically have fun riding with my boy on some safe bike trails.

First course of action is to fix the tire! (I assume the innertube is punctured.) Then, we’ll see. Maybe a new seat and handlebars. I’m excited :)

I’ve been thinking about bikes pretty much constantly since my last post. I’ve done a fair bit of research and I’ve pretty much decided on an Xtracycle. I’ve also settled on a plan of action. Me! With a plan! Wonders never cease.

First, my inspirations. People with Xtracycles abound on the internet! Here is just small smattering of images I’ve found inspiring:

• Xtracycle Gallery (Good for looking at different frames with the Free Radical)
• Blog entry at Clever Cycles
• Cafe Mama’s Xtracycle (Totally in love with this one!)
• Car Free Days blog
• Happy Hoppy Family Xtracycle (Love the contraption on the snapdeck to secure the kids!)
• this Flickr set (Look at all the stuff he carries!)
• The Xtracycle gallery at rideyourbike.com (Aaron’s Bicycle Repair in West Seattle)
• Actually pretty much any Xtracycle picture on Flickr
• And several others that I’ve seen but didn’t bookmark!

Cafe Mama’s is definitely my favorite as far as looks go though. Drool-worthy. But will the combo work for me? I don’t know yet!

So, here’s my plan:

1. Obtain basic bike (more on options for this below).
2. Re-learn how to ride a bike! (I’m thinking this Wallingford ride, maybe these folks, and maybe some of the rides in West Seattle?)
3. Convert bike to Xtracycle with whatever combo for holding children I decide on.
4. Carry on!

Basically I’ve realized that I should get re-aquainted with biking before I go putting two children and four bags of groceries on a longer-than-normal bicycle and attempt to go about my day as normal. Sounds like a recipe for frustration! I’d like to avoid frustration, so I think I should ease into this.

Right now I’m researching frames. The Xtracycle gallery was invaluable for this, particularly since I don’t know much about bikes. I had a GT in the past and I’ve heard of some brands I saw in the gallery — Trek, Precision, Cannondale, for example. That gives me something to look for on Craigslist, which I’ve been doing.

The only thing that’s giving me pause right now is my desire to be able to transport my bike by car to distance places to bike (like those mentioned above) and my desire to have a step-through cruiser type bike for the Xtracycle. I’m starting to think I should have two bikes — a basic mountainbike that can easily go on a car rack, and a step-through Xtracycle at home. Sounds nuts, doesn’t it? Sigh. I really don’t want two bikes, but I think a step-through bike will work better in the long run. But those don’t look easy to transport, with or without the Free Radical! So I’m a bit stumped on that one.

My next step is to go to some bike shops and try these puppies out! For example, as much as love the Electra cruiser bikes, it might not be comfortable, which would make the whole idea pointless. So I think that’s what I need to do next — schedule time with my boys for me to try out some bikes!

Sounds like fun, no? :)

My friend Liane has started a diet blog. I would link to it but I dunno if it’s okay?

Anyway.. that is very brave of her, and I’ll tell you why. The only time in my entire history of being overweight (which is pretty much forever, since I’ve been overweight since childhood) that I’ve ever lost weight was when I wrote down what I ate. Every. Single. Day.

It keeps you accountable. Especially if you’re doing it with someone else, it keeps you really accountable. Unless you’re lying, in which case you weren’t ready to do it anyway. Ask me how I know.

So, inspired by Liane, I’m going to tell you what I’m currently working on, health-wise. I’m not starting a new blog (or new category) because I won’t keep it up. But I am doing some good things, so I’d like to share them with anyone who is interested.

In the exercise department, not much is happening, particularly since I can’t walk very far. I’m looking into bikes but that won’t happen until the spring/summer. So for the moment I’m trying to do pilates and yoga videos in the day. I’ve not been overly successful with this, but I do keep trying. I have one video that is in ten minute segments, and as I told the Boo, surely you can give me ten minutes a day to take care of myself?

The food department is more interesting. I’ve decided to make my lunches (mostly) vegetarian. Partly because I actually really love vegetarian fare, but also because recently meat has started to give me the heebie jeebies. I don’t know why, it just has. I’ve probably been reading too much about why you should be a vegetarian!

Regardless, I’m enjoying this new trend. When I can remember to find something to fix. When I can’t, or when I’m harassed, I always default back to turkey sandwiches. Yes there are worse things in the world, but still. I feel good about the veggie menu both mentally and physically, and my taste buds are happy. Hurrah! My newest favorite snack to take out with us: garbonzo beans. Who knew they were so good on their very own?

I do think I’m back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, or close to it, but I don’t know for sure as I haven’t stepped on a scale in ages. I’m not even sure where the scale is. My body is a completely different shape though, and that’s really strange to deal with. I don’t know if it will ever get back, which is funny since it wasn’t an ideal shape to begin with.

Other plans include doing the 100 push ups program (we started this before we moved but aborted when moving got to be too much), and reducing my intake of dairy. That’s partly for the Bean to see if his gassy/pooping problems are dairy related, but also because I eat way too much cheese.

That’s all I can think of at the moment! I have this ideal vision in my head where I get my exercise through my daily existence and eat cooked from scratch meals that are all healthy by virtue of being cooked from scratch and out of my own garden, and I don’t have to think about this whole diet thing. After all, I don’t believe in denying oneself food either. Maybe I should be a farmer. A girl can dream, right?

I love biking. On a bicycle, that is. I haven’t had a bike for several years, but when I had one, I loved it! And I would love to do it again.

Of course I never did all the things I intended to do. (Mountain biking always sounded fun, but turns out I’m way too chicken!) I also never really went anywhere purposefully on a bike — way too scared of getting hit.

But that was in Kentucky. Drivers are not friendly in Kentucky.

Seattle, on the other hand, is a very bike-friendly town. The drivers are not that much nicer, it’s more that there are designated bike paths on many roadways, and in fact there are biking and pedestrian only paths which actually go useful places. This sounds awesome.

For a while I thought I’d get a bike and a trailer for the Boo, but somehow never managed to procure such items. We lived on a really busy road and I just couldn’t work up the nerve. Still a bit afraid of cars, you see. Plus it was plenty easy to walk places, and everywhere else we wanted to go was far enough away to warrant driving.

Now, we may live on a busy road, but there are destinations just a wee bit too far to walk to. Biking, though, is entirely possible. And how much nicer would it be to just bike up to the store for the evening’s groceries, rather than piling everyone in the car again? My mind has been a-twhirling trying to sort out how to accomplish this.

How on earth does one bike with two young kids?

(Before I get into this, just let me say I realize I shouldn’t be biking with the baby at all until he’s at least a year old. Apparently they’re not strong enough to wear a helmet and withstand the shakes! That brings us to considering these options for next summer.)

Well, for starters, I’ve been reading a local blog called Car Free Days. Very inspiring, but her kids are a lot older. Capable and trustworthy of sitting on a bike and holding on, for example. Mine aren’t there yet. Well, at least one isn’t, the other might be by now.

(Although I just ran across this post from the Clever Cycles blog, and that looks do-able by next summer, maybe? That’s an Xtracycle, which the Car Free Days blog also uses.)

The trailer idea (I like the look of the Burleys) is out because by the time the baby is a year old then the Boo will be waaaay too big for a trailer. And even if he wasn’t, I can’t see convincing him to get in one. Perhaps he could bike on his own by then, but I can’t quite bring myself to want to bike on the streets with my 4/5 year old on his own bike. Maybe on the sidewalk, but what if there isn’t one? Not ready for that yet, I think. Plus his traffic instincts won’t be so good yet. Definitely not a good idea.

Another option is using a bike attachment that turns your bike into a tandem bike (apparently called a trailer cycle.) The baby could go in one of those baby seats that straps to the adult’s bike, and the groceries etc. could go in pannier bags. Or a basket. Do they still make bike baskets? I like this idea because in the long run I’d still have a bike of my own!

(Incidently, here’s an interesting take on why you should us a tandem instead of a trailercycle. I could see the Boo wanting to contribute more. But the trailercycle does contribute more than the Xtracycle. Hmm. However tandems are rather pricey! But you could put a trailer on the back of a tandem for the Bean and the groceries. Intriguing.)

Now here’s something I really like the look of:

That’s a Nihola tricycle. It’s Danish. There’s another similar brand called Johnny Loco. They remind me of rickshaws, but the kids are in front of you.

Now, I have no idea how much these beauties cost. I imagine, quite a lot. Plus it would have to ship internationally. After all, these are from the extremely bike-friendly Denmark/German area of Europe. I’ve never seen anything like this here, and no local retailers show up in a search. I suppose it’s worth researching some more because I just might not have found the right brand yet, but still. Aren’t they cute?

The only downside to this that I can think of is that if this were my only bike, well, I’d look a bit silly by myself :) Also, the Nihola site claims that this is a very safe bike for children but I’m not sure how it’s safer than a trailer. I would make my kids wear helmets, for example. And are there seat belts? What happens to them if you get hit?

To summarize, I belive my options are these:

• Bike for me, with trailercycle attachment, with seat for baby, with pannier bags or basket for stuff.
• Tandem bike for me and the Boo, with seat for baby, with pannier bags or basket for stuff.
• Tandem bike for me and the Boo, with trailer for baby and stuff.
• Xtracycle with seat for baby and board for Boo with pannier bags for stuff.
• Cute tricycle thingy.
• Rickshaw! Why not?
• Screw it, just keep driving until they’re old enough to leave home and you can go to the grocery by yourself!

Ahem. So, this is yet another thing that’s been swimming in my mind lately. How to bike with two kids. I could dearly use the exercise, I’d love to not use the car for quick trips to the grocery, there are a few different parks within biking but not walking distance (although we’re still loving our cute little local park), and there’s a trail nearby too (although I’m not sure where it goes yet). There’s even a YMCA opening soon that’s about a mile away.

See? Lots of places to bike to. If I could just figure out the logistics!

It’s been a while since I did a hair update! (And I can’t find it on a search so it must have been a while ago.)

To re-cap, when the Boo was a baby, I started hanging out with some very earth-mother types and I learned that you don’t have to use shampoo to clean your hair. Shock! I have horrible, limp, super-greasy hair (although I do like the color, have to say something nice, right?) so my interest was piqued. At the time, I found the amount of shampoo I was going through utterly offensive, both for cost and environmental reasons, nevermind what they say about sodium lauryl sulfate.

So I started using baking soda and apple cider vineger. It did indeed work for a while but then my hair got really dry and I didn’t like the texture, so I reverted back to my favorite Lush bar shampoos. (Hey at least there’s no packaging!)

Then when I was preggers with the Bean I remembered how hard it was to find time to shower, and since my hair was the primary reason I showered on a daily basis, I thought it would be a good idea to re-visit the whole shampoo thing. I decided to forego shampoo altogether, including baking soda. Just water for me!

And it did indeed work. Until recently.

Now I realize my critical error — my greasy problem (both skin and hair) clears up when I’m pregnant.  I totally forgot about that. No wonder it “worked.” Now that my hormones are rebalancing, I’m a grease factory again. Ugh.

I’m back to using the last of my Lush bars (those last a long time!) but I’m still unhappy. The more shampoo I use, the more I need to use, and I’m close to desiring to wash my hair every day again. Not good.

Today, though, I ran across this shampoo free blog entry that goes into stupendous detail about everything I’ve been experiencing and wondering about the whole shampoo dilemma. It explains why I experienced dry hair with my first baking soda trial (too much!) and confirms my suspicions that shampoo and conditioning is just a viscious cycle, removing the oils your body naturally provides to keep your hair healthy. It also discusses in much detail why SLS is not desirable, which is great since I kept hearing that but had never seen details about why this was so.

So I’m going to try the no shampoo thing again. I really want to free of “beauty products” as I’m beginning to think it’s all a scam. Here’s hoping third time is the charm!

Next up in the saga of Carrie’s poor health, I have developed Plantar Fasciitis. That basically means my feet hurt. A lot.

It’s a dasdardly cycle. A few weeks ago I took the boys on an extra-long walk and my feet hurt afterwards.

You know how we’re taught that your body heals when you sleep? Well, your feet tend to relax and “point” when you’re sleeping. The irony here is that your body heals the plantar fascia in that position, so when you get up in the morning and put your weight on your feet, it stretches that fascia and hurts like hell, re-injuring it. I hobble around in the morning until things warm up but basically my feet hurt all day.

So I’ve been stretching my feet and putting ice on them when possible, but last night I finally took my bro’s advice and wore boots to bed. Doesn’t that sound silly? I mean, really. Shoes in bed. My feet are hot enough as it is!

The thing is, apparently you need your body to heal your feet in the position you walk in, so that you don’t re-injure your feet when they bear weight in the morning. Therefore a splint is necessary to hold your feet in that position — or if you’re cheap, boots!

It felt silly, but it also totally worked. My right foot feels fine now and my left foot just hurts a little. More ice and boots for me, but I hope to get this malady healed up soon! Because seriously? I have to be on my feet to look after these kids. Staying off them really isn’t an option.

A while back I wrote about this odd thing my mom got me, called the Neti Pot. It’s for your nose and sinuses and is supposed to be a great thing. It did indeed work, but it also felt like inhaling pool water, so I didn’t use it a lot.

In fact, I sort of forgot I had it.

Until I got a sinus infection a week or so ago. First I called my doctor relatives to see if I should bother seeing my GP here seeing as 1) I didn’t really want to pay to go to a doc if the thinking these days was that antibiotics didn’t do anything, and 2) I didn’t want antibiotics anyway unless it sounded really bad. They thought I should give it a few days to see if it went away on its own.

Then I called my mom, and she reminded me that the Neti Pot was intended to treat and prevent sinus infections. Oh yeah! I forgot.

It totally worked. Within two days I was back to runny nose, and your bog standard cold (which keeps coming back — yet another story).  I still can’t stand to do it every day, but every few days seems to be a good idea. Hurrah for holistic solutions!

It may have slipped by without note on the blog, but Friday was my last day of Lovenox shots! Hopefully forever! Yay! I won’t miss that little ritual, that’s for sure.